Kali and Kwan Yin – What is beyond all pair of opposites?

The poet Tagore said “out beyond ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”

Recently, work with a beautiful group known as SoulFullHeart, and a conversation with a friend, took me into a deeper level of myself. I realized that I was in a level of judgment of my own journey. I was in judgement of what I have experienced in this life. I realized another level of a false belief – that surely it was something wrong with me, something I did or didn’t do, that I had had these extremely painful, abusive experiences in childhood and a past relationship. I was judging, rather than embracing what part of me knows – that all this is in service to my awakening. Instead of the embrace of truth, Self judgment, self recrimination, self hatred ensued.

I had been in a long dark night of the soul. And I got, on a whole new level, that it is in the dark sometimes, that we truly see. It is the dark that helps us really know the light.

Embracing the nature of duality to come to unity has been an interesting path. To experience great darkness and great light. And what if experiences like this are not always about karma? It’s interesting how sometimes in the New Age, in the misunderstanding of the true nature of Karma, it is used the blame people for their experiences, or to distance oneself from another’s pain? Must have been something bad or wrong they did in a past life, right? That wont happen to me. Is it possible that there are souls that out of love and service choose to go into the darkest of places to shine a light? Souls that chose to see if one can enter and be almost consumed by the dark, and still find their way back? And isn’t that we all are doing, find our way back to Source? Finding our way back to a Unity beyond duality.

It has also helped to embrace the duality of the masculine and the feminine within and outside myself. I have been working with my inner masculine lately. I find that connecting with this aspect of myself is helping me release a great deal of possessions and a house that I’ve lived in for over 20 years. There’s been fear of letting go of a “nest egg” and starting a whole new life. Liam, the name for my inner masculine aspect, has been anxious around not having regular work while in this transition and selling the house. I’m now starting to feel greater inner support from my masculine and feminine for each other. Loving and uplifting each other, offering respect and encouragement, resonance rather than dissonance. It’s been very helpful to my whole system. I’m building trust with myself that I frankly lost a bit due to the experience in that past relationship. Because I have been judging that experience! Time to change the story.

Because all duality ultimately leads to the same place – oneness. Just like the oneness experienced in my feminine and masculine aspects coming together in love. The field beyond all pairs of opposites.

I realized that my judgement extended to this Earth Plane experience. Judgement of the way people inflict their inner pain out onto others. How harsh and abusive people can be. Judgement of the deep darkness, that I always knew was there, because I had lived through it. Judgement of the pain.

Then, I remembered a meditation I did long ago. At that time, I realized that I was judging pain and I decided to meet with the Deva, the Essence of Pain. What was revealed to me was the great service offered by Pain – to be the very thing that most often wakes people up, and yet to be reviled. To be the signal that something is out of balance. To be the wisdom of awareness trying to get through. To be willing to be reviled, even hated; and yet know the truth of what you offer. That’s selfless service.

Much as the beautiful service offered by so called “dark” Goddesses/Dieties like Kali (The Hindi Destroyer Goddess). She embodies to me, the quality of being so fierce, so steady in the truth, as to face any fierceness. To supposedly “match” an energy, so as to reveal its true nature. I wrote a poem about it, where the greatest weapon she used in her “battle” was a mirror, as when one sees the truth of one’s being, all the dark and all the light clearly, all falseness, illusion, and pain falls away. Truth, love and light essence remain.

I realize that I get to release my judgement of what is, and what has been. Acceptance, love, and true compassion are my keys to freedom.

I know why people do what they do. I can hold deep compassion for the pain, the hurt little ones, that drive that negative behavior. There’s a reason Kwan Yin (Goddess of Ultimate Compassion) and Kali have been my guides from the beginning. Now, time to extend that truth, acceptance, love and compassion to myself even more; and therefore to the world.

Thank you all for helping to hold mirrors for me.